Self-Preserving Bunny!

I am not a normal person. I hurt you. From day one, and kept doing so. 

How unnecessary was that last encounter? I am so sorry. You were provoked. I can't bring myself to apologize aloud, but I am sorry. I truly am. 

I always point out your faults. Don't worry, I have not forgotten my own. It's easier to let someone know what they did wrong, how they guided you towards destruction, rather than go into depth about how you did so too. Because I truly don't know what I did wrong from your perspective. Of course I know the sick and twisted things that I did, but there is more that I wouldn't understand because roles reversed, it wouldn't have affected me... and I don't care to know. It isn't important to me. If it makes me a bad person, then that's fine. I think that was established at our fatal close. 

But anyway, your wrongdoings don't paint me a saint, nor do mine you.

It does suck knowing how much could have been avoided. Sure, you often offended and upset me. But I saw from the beginning that there was something more to you. That you wouldn't be able to handle conversation with me. Not in that way. Not an argument. Not with the way you like to argue. I am remorseful for instigating, and not being a woman. In the absence of your masculine stride, I should have stepped up and took charge--but I didn't. So, I'm sorry for that.

In dire times of need--that need being the heavy burden of guilt on my conscience--repetition becomes more redundant than poetic. So, I am not sorry. For all that I regret, and all that I don't. I am not sorry. I am glad things ended how they did. I am glad your ego took a hit, and that you finally heard things that people close to you won't--though harsh. I'm not sorry, but I'm sorry that I'm not sorry.

You only live once, but you die a thousand times. If I hadn't saved you, you would have killed me. This was just a means of salvation. I guided you from starvation, but I won't take you with me, or force you not to return. 

After reading my first letter to you, I can only laugh. How backwards was it of me to judge you for falling in love with me so soon when I nearly did the same thing? Because I am not a woman who can tangle with another and not love them after. That is why I do not dance. That is why I am glad we never danced. Because I do not want to love a man like you. 

Having been with you somehow makes it easier to step away from the man I am dealing with now. Of course it hurts--but I can't turn into someone I despise. I can't gush, and cry, I can't beg and scream need to this man. That is what made me hate you... But, I do understand you a bit more. Only a bit, because like I said--we never even met.